Sitting on my bed, listening to radio I Couldn’t help but think about my life especially last 4 years, the golden years of my college, the lectures, bunking classes, canteen, movies, late night assignments and friends. A year is still left for my post graduation but I feel I am still standing where I stood after class 12th. It feels like I haven’t moved an inch in my life, the same feeling of confusion, the varying thoughts, believes and interests and the similar deadly feeling of what next? The only difference is that this fear has increased thousands folds as I reach the final step of embracing the ‘real world’ with what seems like no preparation whatsoever. At this point facing a tiger or a deadly python seems easier.
From childhood we read that everyone is destined for something but as we grow up we start questioning it and a million dollar question arises in our mind ‘What am I destined for’. We search everywhere for answers and as we move from elementary school to college we remain struck with no answers. One moment we joyfully want to start our career in journalism but next moment we feel disheartened and hopeless. Our stereotypical society expects us to follow the norms and path created by them for us, expecting us to be doctors, engineers and tag along with the crowd. But what do we want? This question haunts everyone for their whole life. After 12th while choosing a path my mind was at standstill I could not fathom what I wanted from my life and after 4 years of college I am still standing at the same place trying to make sense of what I want and what I want to do next.
Suddenly I saw myself surrounded by my family and friends congratulating me I had wrinkled face with a small smile lingering on my lips but very sad eyes which made me realize my future self is unhappy. Next I saw myself surrounded by people mocking me and my older self calmer and eyes shining brightly. I snap out of my thoughts, my surrounding becoming clearer and so my mind. “I will do what makes me happy” society can wait, my dreams are more important than their opinion and feelings in my journey to success. I know it will take time, it will consume all my energy but I have to do what is good for me and what makes me happy. I have to do it for myself; I can’t leave things for them to happen themselves. I can’t give reasons to my older self to be unhappy or to curse her younger self for not doing what I love.
I still may have not decided what I want to do next but one thing is sure I’ll do what makes me happy, I’ll try every field until my mind and heart are at peace however long it takes. There may be time when I will want to quit and do what society expects me to do but I’ll always remind myself about those sad eyes which will make me strong and will encourage me to work more harder to reach my goal i.e. true happiness.
This is not just for me, this is for everyone who are standing and trying to decide what next? Just follow your instincts and one day you will finally know what you are born for, what is your destiny and what is your life’s worth. It is very important to have faith in you; our internal self is more powerful than we give credit. Just trust yourself and you won’t need any external force to tell you What Next.