She unlocked the main door with heavy heart, with small and tedious steps came inside and switched on the lights, with a sigh she took of her coat and hanged it near the door and kept keys on table. Slowly and unenthusiastically she made her way to kitchen and poured herself a glass of chilled water. With every drop she could feel her inner self crumbling, her senses were getting numb, she just wanted all the feelings to go away, to give her a moment of peace. Unconsciously tears started to make way down her cheeks. She was feeling vulnerable and helpless. She had lost her job 5 months ago, with no fault of hers, all she knew was, one moment she was working and next moment she got fired, without any reason, without any notice. All her cards had maxed out with no money left and with 1st coming she had to send money home after all she was the soul bread earner of family of 3 younger siblings and paralysed father.
She didn’t want to live. She never wanted to be a disappointment for her family. On an impulse she took a knife and started cutting her veins. Grief took over as she had no choice, she couldn’t see her family in pain. Lying there covered in blood she kept remembering her family and all happy memories she had with them. All of the sudden she realised she cannot die, she had a family to take care of, she didn’t want to let them down, she didn’t want to tell them she was a coward, who couldn’t handle bit of stress in her life. She acquired control of her lifeless body and took situation under control. She bandaged her hand and cleaned up all the mess. She will not give up, she told herself, she is strong and nothing can break her down so easily. With the new build confidence she went to bed. Tomorrow will be a good day, no matter what she will never give up, this is her life and no one has the right to mess with it not even her.
Suicide lies. It tells you that the way you feel now is the way you will feel forever. Hope itself can seem like a toxic lie, a set-up for disappointment. The present feels permanent, and the future feels foretold. Don’t fall for the lies. The future is unwritten. Things can change. Things do change. Sure, there is no guarantee that things will get better. There also is no guarantee that things will get worse. You may feel unable to look beyond the present. Or you may feel certain that what lies ahead is more of the same. Even if the pain remains, your experience of suffering can change.
Imagine yourself in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, and more. Imagine not only different times, but also different roles and situations that can happen in the years to come. What work might you do? Where might you live? Will you have new work, goals, friends, talents, tattoos and travels? The possibilities are limitless. You cannot know what the future holds. Life can and will surprise you. You do not have to fall for suicide’s lies. Maybe, even, your future selves will be glad to be alive. Death is so final, whereas life is full of endless possibilities.